Revision of each Assginment
The following requirements are given by the teacher of this course:
Requierments for Short Assginment 2:
Congratulations on finishing your second assignment! I think the main strength of this assignment is the clarity but also your formatting. Both letters truly act as they should regarding their different audiences. For revision, I think you should focus the revision on the second letter. First of all, you were very brief in your successful moment in your second letter, and I think it would be good to expand on that a little bit and say what you did and how that helps you in this new job. Secondly, I also think that instead of bullet points, you could write those sentences out and then explain more how you did these things. Does that make sense? Basically, a lot of it is just expanding on things in your second letter. Other than that, I think you had a very nice tone that was fitting for a professional audience. Let me know if you have any questions. Really great work!
Requierments for Short Assginment 3:
Congratulations on finishing your third assignment! The main strength of this essay is the clarity of your writing and the introduction to this topic. That being said, I still do not see a clear argument. You end the intro by Gurdons argument, not your own. You also do not spend much time close reading the text. You should incorporate some quotes that help you back up your claim. Right now, you are including new information to your last paragraph, which makes it seem like you are missing a conclusion, as that should sum up the argument and draw it back to the stakes. Lastly, I think you need to work through your last claim, that different societies need different measures. Because I think it is a bit difficult to say that everyone in one country would experience this content one way. Does that make sense? I think it might be generalizing a bit too much, unless you can say more about that and explain what you mean, and maybe when you talk about this type of guidance, say more about what that looks like. Let me know if you have any questions. Really great work!
Major Project 1:
Congratulations on finishing your first major project! This is a really interesting and important project, and I think the genre translation here made a lot of sense. The main thing I want you to work with, is structure and the way you introduce things to your audience. In your first sentence in part on you say “that caused the war” what war? We understand it after reading a bit, but you have to think about the fact that this is the first entry for an audience and you have to be specific. How can you introduce this? And with introductions and conclusions it gets clear why you are telling the reader about this, but I do not see that too clearly here. Maybe that could be adding a little bit about why it is important to know these things? Does that make sense? Same with part two. You start with this video, and I was not sure what you were talking about at first, because I just read something and did not know that it would have been in video format. Thus you have to make that clearer by for example “I decided to translate into a video” or something like that. Just try to think about structure with your audience in mind. What do they need to know, how can I help them through it, and why do they need to know this? Let me know if you have any questions. Truly great work!
I attached my oroginal work down below, the only thing neede is revise all the essays
Thank you so much.
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The following requirements are given by the teacher appeared first on blitzarchive.com.